“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living”. Marcus Tulles Cicero
The thing about grief is, you don’t get over it or leave it behind as your life pathway continues without your loved one. You carry them with you.
It may at times, particularly in the beginning, feel like an unbearable load. A burden too heavy to carry alone. Sharing your thoughts and fears with others who are trained or have experienced a similar loss can help shine some light in your darkness.
You may feel relief, guilt, anger, sadness and be overwhelmed all at the same time. These feelings may never fully leave you. But they will get easier to carry. The idea of getting ‘over’ death is replaced with the idea that we grow around our grief. Our person will always be part of who we are, in much the same way as how the person shaped our lives when they were living. But it won’t always be the biggest part of our feelings. Time doesn’t heal wounds it gives us the tools to manage it.
Those of us who have felt grief will attest to the fact that it can pop up at the most inappropriate or inconvenient times, often when we are emotionally charged or sometimes randomly in the supermarket over a packet of frozen peas. Our loved one lives within our memory.
Grief can be like a needy child, demanding of your attention. If ignored or quietened for too long, can becomes less manageable and take up more space. Grief demands to be looked at and listened to and accepted.
Everybody grieves differently at different times and intensity. It can make you feel exhausted or closed off from the world you knew. How it affects people is normal. There is no right or wrong way or time expectation for grieving. How you feel is relevant, remembering that this too will pass.